Sis

I have been thinking of my sister a lot lately. She died on Christmas Eve of this year and I still have a hard time thinking that it is true. It also sucks that the most recent picture I have of her is her obit picture! She was just one year older than I am, and we were really close. I miss her. I talked to my aunt today and she said my sister's husband was talking to an old high school girlfriend. I can understand that, I guess, but still she has only been dead 6 months and here we are. I told my husband that he needed to wait at least a year after my death, unless he was an old man (70 something). I hate thinking about death. I realize it is there and I can't stop it, but I hate it! My mother died 12 years ago and I miss her terribly.

I feel like I don't have any females on my side! My aunt loves me, but she seems to find fault with me, easily. I don't really understand it either. All of my life, I was the one person everyone felt "the need" to criticize. I know I can be a bitch, but I can also be very giving and loving. I finally told my little brother that I know that I suck, everything I own sucks and it wasn't going to change so shut the fuck up! Made him think about how much he really criticizes. Maybe we are just a family of big critics, although I don't think I am. (I am a secret criticizer---I just think it) I will have to work on that. I don't want to be critical of anyone. Must have been something in my upbringing. I am going to try to count to 3 before I say anything to anyone. The more I think about it, the more I think I just might be like the rest of my family! NO wonder I miss my sister, she NEVER criticized me! I am going to have to work on this.